It's Not Me, It's You — How To Break Up With A Client

We've all had them—relationships that start out great, the sky's the limit, love is in the air and there's nothing but rainbows and happiness. Just so we're on the same page, I'm talking about a relationship with a client. I mean, the same thing can apply romantically, but that's a different blog.

You start your relationship casually, maybe a meeting over coffee or a casual hour chat at their place, a conference room, and then it moves into the head decision maker's office and you know things are getting serious. You're selling yourself harder than a hooker when the eunuch convention's in town and you make the deal. Whatever it is you're selling, whatever service you offer, they are chomping at the bit to make the deal with you. Life is amazing. You are winning in a Charlie Sheen way.

And then time passes. Something goes wrong. The original spark just isn't there anymore. They call you constantly, all hours of the day and night, and they want changes, lots of changes. They've decided they don't like the concept they just spent the past week gushing over. Eventually, they end up taking advantage of your goodwill and they aren't holding up their end of the bargain. You don't get paid, or there's a new condition for you to get paid. And then you now it's time. It's time for the "it's not me, it's you" conversation. Because it is them, isn't it? It's not you. You tried your hardest and worked your sorry little heart out and did everything you could to make the relationship work. But they took advantage of you.

So how do you break up with a client? I've had to do it several times. I've had to do with and without lawyers. It's a lot easier without lawyers.

1. HAVE A PRENUP
No matter how much in love you and the client are at the beginning of the relationship, something will eventually go wrong. The longer the relationship goes on, the more likely it is that something will break down. Create an agreement that clearly states your obligations, the client's obligations, any compensation involved, the length of the relationship, any specific payment terms... essentially, every single detail involved in your relationship. This is a great time to find a lawyer. If the type of work you do has similarities across the board, a standard contract or a standard set of terms and conditions that are part of a contract will ensure that all parties involved, no matter how much in love they are now, will clearly understand the repercussions of the inevitable breakup.

2. COMMUNICATE EARLY AND OFTEN
All relationship specialists say the same thing. If you don't communicate, your relationship is doomed. On a side note, aren't most relationship specialists on the tail end of bad relationships themselves? I digress. The key to successful business relationships comes from identifying potential issues before they become issues and solve them in an expeditious way. The goal with your business relationship is to not have it end. It's a helluva lot harder to build a new relationship than it is to nurture an existing one. That said, sometimes communication fails. Sometimes people are just nuts. Communication breaks down for a multitude of reasons. Do your best to make sure it doesn't. But recognize that sometimes it does.

3. BE VERY, VERY CLEAR IN YOUR BREAKUP CORRESPONDENCE
The best way to avoid any misunderstanding or lack of clarity in breaking up with a client is to be absolutely clear with the client that you are breaking up with them. You will be shocked at the level of simplicity you need to explain that the relationship has ended. Sometimes it will come as a surprise to the client that you're ending the relationship. Many clients (hell, many people) don't see their own behavior as problematic or confrontational or difficult. You are there to serve them, after all. If you're a good and decent person, with a solid work ethic and a genuine trust of human behavior, well, first of all, I have great pity for you and some sad news for you—you're one of the few who does. Okay, I'm the same way, and it takes a lot of problematic behavior for me to get to the point of firing a client. I bend over backwards to accommodate nearly every request. But I've also come to the point several times where I simply can't accommodate anymore. My correspondence to the client is always in writing, usually via email (as that is the main form of communication by which I engage my clients), but from time to time it will be via written letter, and sometimes, if I believe there's trouble or there's potential legal action, certified mail. I explain why I am ending the relationship, I explain clearly what time period is involved in the breakup, what physical or digital files (if any) will be provided, and what compensation is expected. I generally will sacrifice compensation if it means the relationship will end and I will be able to move on cleanly. That may not be your way, but it's my way. I always figure that if money isn't involved, there are a lot fewer lawyers involved. Every situation is different. Every client is different. I've had multiple types of situations and each has been unique.

4. BE VERY WARY OF TAKING THE CLIENT BACK
I don't know if it's just me or if it's every marketing professional, but I have never had a client I fired NOT come back to me. Every single one. Seriously. Most will simply contact me as if nothing has ever transpired between us. Some will acknowledge the past difficulties. For the most part, the initial peace offering is "just a little job" that needs to get done quickly. "You know what I like, I know you can do a good job." As a self-employed marketing professional who's just survived the worst recession we'll hopefully ever see, I've been hungry. Very hungry. I'm not proud of it, but I've taken those clients back. When you're looking at a stack of bills and can no longer answer your phone because all you'll be doing is talking to bill collectors, your pride suddenly doesn't have quite so much value. There's not much that can be said when you have, as Seinfeld put it, no hand. When you do eventually regain hand, it's important to re-examine that relationship as quickly as possible, and get rid of it again as quickly as possible.

Breaking up is hard to do, that much is true. But breaking up with a bad client, like a bad romantic relationship, leaves you feeling a sense freedom and empowerment that will hopefully translate into intelligent forethought and well-vetted clients in the future.

Oh, who are we kidding? We love getting hurt. Bad clients give us good stories.